Monday, November 28, 2005
Love or Understanding…
Caution: slightly philosophical
Mood: arbit thinking
It was long time I had a good chat with Baba… after the regular updates, we came down to a topic never discussed in detail before. Well, it was related to my getting “settled” in life… the big Qs was who would be the unfortunate one ;-) … then the topic turned to the survival of marriages and relationships… specially in case of love! Past few years I have seen a lot of love marriages and a few arranged ones too. So far, the marriages have been successful; however, the relationships (love) before marriages have been taking a toll lately. Few points which we pondered upon were… are we having too many expectation from a relationship based from love… how much of the mutual understanding is there in such relationships… why was there lack of commitment and more of taken for granted stands… More than anything else, we found that it was more of understanding than love that was required for a lasting relationship. Even if there is no love between two, mutual understanding between each other would enable a lasting relationship… however, the reverse doesn’t hold to true. Most people assume that they have understanding if they are in love… well the recent statistics doesn’t show that! (these stats are very personal and not surveyed).
Hmm… the Qs remains… should I marry someone whom I love (well so far I am (un)lucky), or someone who understands me (mutual understanding) or someone who is selected by parents… and so far … to me it’s the last option. I do have a few friends, with whom I have good understanding, but then we also know why we can’t get together and we agree to understand each other that way and be friends forever.
Mood: arbit thinking
It was long time I had a good chat with Baba… after the regular updates, we came down to a topic never discussed in detail before. Well, it was related to my getting “settled” in life… the big Qs was who would be the unfortunate one ;-) … then the topic turned to the survival of marriages and relationships… specially in case of love! Past few years I have seen a lot of love marriages and a few arranged ones too. So far, the marriages have been successful; however, the relationships (love) before marriages have been taking a toll lately. Few points which we pondered upon were… are we having too many expectation from a relationship based from love… how much of the mutual understanding is there in such relationships… why was there lack of commitment and more of taken for granted stands… More than anything else, we found that it was more of understanding than love that was required for a lasting relationship. Even if there is no love between two, mutual understanding between each other would enable a lasting relationship… however, the reverse doesn’t hold to true. Most people assume that they have understanding if they are in love… well the recent statistics doesn’t show that! (these stats are very personal and not surveyed).
Hmm… the Qs remains… should I marry someone whom I love (well so far I am (un)lucky), or someone who understands me (mutual understanding) or someone who is selected by parents… and so far … to me it’s the last option. I do have a few friends, with whom I have good understanding, but then we also know why we can’t get together and we agree to understand each other that way and be friends forever.
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Yaar..
very very tough question...
Love marriages or arranged marriages... neither of them are easy to judge.. The bottom line is understanding girls is difficult..:-P (and that doesbt mean i am suggesting to marry a boy..)
very very tough question...
Love marriages or arranged marriages... neither of them are easy to judge.. The bottom line is understanding girls is difficult..:-P (and that doesbt mean i am suggesting to marry a boy..)
inexperienced in these matters ...
but whatever be it .. make ur choice fast ... we r all waiting ...
but whatever be it .. make ur choice fast ... we r all waiting ...
Well .. as I had said that day ... I think its the 2nd option that is optimum ...
You are really fortunate to have already found someone who understands you ... aur yaar agar ek baar tum dono raazi ho gaye to parents will agree too ..sooner or later ...
Btw no experience here .. but thats my opinion!!
You are really fortunate to have already found someone who understands you ... aur yaar agar ek baar tum dono raazi ho gaye to parents will agree too ..sooner or later ...
Btw no experience here .. but thats my opinion!!
there is a flip side to both. but in the case of a love marriage at least u have only urself to blame if things go wrong
hmm.. I think the most important aspect in any relation is space. Whether it is an arranged or love marraige, whether its friendship.. anything. Give the other person enough space, and it does wonders. That's theory anywayz. Practically there shud always be slight hitches in doing that. :)
Good luck buddy!!
Good luck buddy!!
Namaskaar Chaos jee ....
The debate between Love and arranged is an eternal one ... Arranged Marriages are more successful simply because of lower expectations, higher tolerance and adjustment readiness. Love marriages fail becasue of exact reverse. Higher expectations, low tolerances and the fact that in the love life (b4 marriage) u try to win the heart and keep winning it daily by all sorts of things ... gifts, flower etc ... the momentum is difficult to maintain after marriage.
I guess people like us have a problem of finding the right one too ... we are peculiar beings surviving on this planet and we try to search for equally peculiar beings ... :-))
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The debate between Love and arranged is an eternal one ... Arranged Marriages are more successful simply because of lower expectations, higher tolerance and adjustment readiness. Love marriages fail becasue of exact reverse. Higher expectations, low tolerances and the fact that in the love life (b4 marriage) u try to win the heart and keep winning it daily by all sorts of things ... gifts, flower etc ... the momentum is difficult to maintain after marriage.
I guess people like us have a problem of finding the right one too ... we are peculiar beings surviving on this planet and we try to search for equally peculiar beings ... :-))
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